In the Beginning

 

At the young age of four, the babysitters son took advantage of me. I do not remember many details from that time, but what has stuck with me for decades is the feelings of inadequacy. That experience fed lies into my brain. I had to be the ugliest, worst child there. Something had to be wrong with me. It was not until years later when these lies kept coming up over and over that I had to look back and figure out where they started. Clearly, they began somewhere.  As time passed and I began to process my emotions and what was going on in my head, I really began to resent the person who did this to me. I do not know his name. I do not even know how old he was at the time. All I know is that I was a scared, innocent little girl that was forever tainted by his actions. Could he now be living a good life with a family and children of his own, all while I am grappling with my identity thirty years later? But that does not matter anymore. There had to come a day when I put my foot down and decided that what happened to me no longer has control over who I am and who I am becoming. The lies that were engrained in my head three decades ago, are just that, lies. And lies come straight from the mouth of Satan. Jesus clearly tells us that He makes no mistakes. He calls me beautiful, and He has created me for a purpose. Unfortunately, those lies held me in chains for most of my life so far, but I no longer claim those names. In Christ I am freed, loved, blessed and chosen. Situations like this happen more often then we know. But there is hope. I am not tainted, used goods or useless. Instead God can use what has happened for His good.